'Ethereal Mediterranean'?'Sicilian Garden Party'?Wedding dress codes are out of control

It???s 10 years since I got married, but in terms of wedding trends it might as well be centuries.A lot canhappenin the world of nuptials in a decade.Ten years ago was before #wedmin was a hashtag (and before hashtags were #hashtags).It was pre-Instagram.It was before a bride wore more than one outfit during the day as if she was a celebrity.And it was long ahead of the happy couple issuing guests with boss, head-spinningdress codes.

Emilia Wickstead floral dress, ??790, Matches Fashion and Needle & Thread lace panelled gown dress, ??185, Net-a-Porter

I???m not going to any weddings this summer and given some of the edicts issued to my colleagues regarding what they have to wear to those they???re invited to, I???m relieved.PricewaterhouseCooper"s temp agency Porticolooks relatively benign in comparison to some 30-something love birds and their sartorial edicts.Are they getting married or setting up a cult?

Silk shirt dress, ??305, Marina London, and Roksanda bell-sleeved satin dress, ??1195, Matches Fashion

Because while ???hats are positively encouraged??? does not offend me and sounds fairly jolly, ???Hats Compulsory??? makes my hackles rise.Likewise, ???Wear long flowy dresses and flats or wedges??? is, while perhaps trying to be helpful, really veryannoying.

Other directives my acquaintances are currently attempting to get their heads round are more complicated.???Sicilian Garden Party???(eh?); ???Ethereal Mediterranean???(could you repeat that?); ???Festival???(just no); ???Skyfall meets The Talented Mr Ripley???(are you on drugs?) and ???dress to slut-drop in???, which to its credit did not make its way onto the formal printed invitation.

Yellow lace dres, ??85, Finery London and red off-the-shoulder dress, ??300, Self Portrait

Brides, grooms, before you start believing you are Net-a-Porter and collating archive images from The Virgin Suicides for your mood board (yes, some modern young thingsare now issuing mood boards), give yourself a little #wedmin timeout to consider the following:

You are getting married, not launching a lifestyle brandYou are helping no oneYou are beinga control freak and all your guests will hate youWedding guest outfit ideas

If you???re really that bothered about people ruining your Instagram feed with a high street print that will not work within the vintage-ice-cream-parlour colour palette you have selected, you may also want to consider:

A.Not inviting anyone

B.Banning social media - although, again, see point 3above.

Another solution thatone of my friends wisely suggests is: don???t have a summer wedding.With a winter wedding there is a more minimal risk of exposed flesh, loud florals, questionable and clashing colours and an over application of fuschia.I got married in March and I don???t remember any disasters - high fivesto my family and friends for being so goddam chic.

Also, word to the wise.You???re in love and you???re having a party.Enjoy it.If you want to be really helpful to your guests perhaps add something like this ??? as sent out on an invite from one hell of a sensible couplelast year:

???Dress code:It"s a wedding.Wear something nice but don???t go overboard."

I wager that"s a couple who will live happily ever after.

Celebrity bridesmaids